Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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