i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
