Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
