Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
