Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
