we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
