Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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