Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
