There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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