so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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