I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
