spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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