What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just crazy horny about you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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