have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
