she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I touched a dick in church today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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