I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
