the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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