I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
