I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
