I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
