All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
