I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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