my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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