ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
only if we run a train.
done.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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