Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
