I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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