It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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