I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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