David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
