We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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