oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
