Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My pussy is not your playground.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
