Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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