So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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