I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
