Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
