so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
