I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
