She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
