Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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