i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
