I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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