Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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