There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
