Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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