I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
