he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
