i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
