There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
