Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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