Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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