It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
