he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
