You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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