So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
