Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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