I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
