I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
