How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How external is "for external use only"?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
