This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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