so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
