I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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