Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
