HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
