just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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