Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
