I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
