And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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