he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
