She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
