She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
