How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
