I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
