oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize