you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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