jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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