He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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