So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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