he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
