We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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