it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
