Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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