I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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