so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
