Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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