Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
