seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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